all creatures (not so) great and small

In every living situation, there comes a time when you need to have a little sit-down with your housemates to discuss what is and what most definitely is NOT okay. I believe that time is now.

Note: The snails have already been evicted. Too much pooping in the shower.

To the spiders.
Listen. I thought we had an understanding. I let you make yourselves at home, and you eat the mosquitoes that could give me malaria. We had an agreement. But you are getting FAR too territorial. No, you cannot use my clotheslines as part of your webs. They are not sticky. It will not work. The same goes for my water filter. And my silverware. That's just gross. And I don't know WHOSE idea it was to hide the huge woody spiders in my clothes, but cut it out. You are not cute. Jumping out and surprising me like that . . . And sleeping on my mosquito net? Right above my face? There's a reason you died in your sleep last night. It's called karma. PS I've been bitten a lot lately. Either step it up or get out.

To the termites.
Um, sorry about the poison. But listen, you were etting out of control. I mean, it was one thing trying to eat the mattress?. BAD termites. But then when you ate an entire card from my grandmother (my GRANDMOTHER, for goodness sake)? In one night? You sealed your fate. Not to mention nibbling on my favorite shoes. I had to get you before you got Choi's good Alice in Wonderland postcard. So I apologize, but you left me no other choice. If it's any consolation, there's a decent chance I ate some of that poison too. So there's that.

To the flies.
Okay. Not to be a party pooper or anything. We're all entitled to have a little fun. But seriously. This having sex on my desk thing? It has to go. I do not wish to watch flies mounting flies while I write lesson plans. And I'd appreciate it if your foreplay did not include tumbling over each other ON ME. Is my sweat that arousing for you? And I understand that the food here isn't necessarily stellar--I miss Mexican too, trust me. But get out of my wounds. Puss is not good. You are disgusting. And I don't know you well enough to let you nibble on me like that? Oh, and dive bombing down my shirt? No no no no no. Stop that right now. We're not even the same species. It would never work out. Point is, go forth and multiply, okay fine whatever. But do it somewhere else. Or just go . . . chill with the termites.

To the cockroaches.
I've given you a lot of space--a lot of generosity. I did not grow up seeing you, so you did not bother me. You were a novelty. You kept me company in the shower. But if you're going to move in like that, you need to clean up after yourselves. Showering in your droppings is not my idea of cleanliness. And to the 3 of you who decided to make my hiking shoe your home? What were you thinking?? Stupid stupid stupid? To the one who tried to get into my toothbrush case, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will find you and I will kill you and I will feed you to the chicken. I think I've made myself clear.

To the frogs and lizards.
You can stay. You are cute. And so fast!

To the snake in my kabone.
You can stay too. Though why you'd WANT to is beyond me.

I do not acknowledge the existence of any other creatures in my house. If I have not mentioned you, you are trespassing. Watch out, or I will send the woody spiders after you.

Reminder

For those of you who have asked (and just to remind the rest), you can write to me at:

Bethany Allen
Lycée Resaotsy
BP 14
Mahabo 615
Madagascar

(miss you too!)

I promise to reply :)

Highlights of Winter Break (for better or worse)

Cleopatra in Andringtra, aka Christmas in Africa
So our fist stop was the most eventful. When going to remote locations, you may find yourself filling a van full of Malagasy people and negociating a price up the mountain. If you are ME, you will use the remote opportunity to ride on TOP of the taxibrousse instead of in it, sprawled out Cleopatra-stylez, reclining on luggage while enjoying the view. Uh, note: such intense sun exposure will ead to a dissolving nose covered in puss and blood no joke. OOPS. Live and learn. I felt like Rochester on syphilis. Hot. Our Andringtra goal was to climb Madagascar's second highest peak. We decided this was best done in one day. Yes yes--up and down in 14 hours with the occasional food break. When the guide wasn't looking, I may or may not have jumped off a bridge and into soem pools by some waterfalls. Oh and THEN I got called Cleopatra a SECOND time when I had to be straight up CARRIED DOWN part of the mountain in the chair created by the arms of two of the guys. Um, oops take two? It seems I aggravated an injury from training. Dear Doctors: I know you told me to take it easy, only running 5 minutes at a time and slowly increasing over weeks, but I'm just too impatient for that sort of thing, and decided to skip it and go straight to climbing 34 km up and down a steep mountain all in one go. Awesome. I could not bend my legs. Silly knees. HA. Christmas day was spent nursing wounds (nose, knees, and a cold that decided to join the fun). Our Christmas feast was eaten out of a can (HAHAHA); And we sang Christmas carols while lying down, looking at the stars. We then spent the night (after finally getting driven away from the mountain) in the sketchiest hotel ever in life (Travis's last words before we all went to sleep: Uh, not to ruin the moment, but I have to say--I think some rat feces just fell on my face"). Hahahaha. I know you are so jealous. Needless to say, there was no snow.

I'll hit on other highlights quickly. 1. Swimming in waterfalls and jumping off a cliff into a natural pool in Isalo. Bonus: not losing my swim suit in the process. 2. Playing with lemurs in Zombitse. No seriously, I had bite marks from wrestling around with them. MUCH more fun than dogs or cats. 3. Snorkeling in Ifaty! Amazing. Perhaps my favorite part of the trip. Minus the slow boat ride back in the rain. Cuddling for warmth was only SO helpful. 4. Ameoba! I got one. His name was Franklin. He's dead now, I killed him. I obviously spent New Years' Eve rolling around in pain in bed with a break or two to puke up my supper. Happy New Year! Hahaha.

Oo, and a panic attack on the way home (I laugh NOW . . .). It turns out my malaria medicine occasionally causes insanity--depression, paranoia, anxiety--the whole shebang. And we discovered (after 7 months of putting the stuff in my body) that I'm one of the lucky few! Uh, cool? Don't worry--I'm on new meds and feeling a bit more normal.

AND I came home to find TERMITES. Yay! Welcome to the party in my house. Hahaha. And there's a snake living in my kabone (bathroom aka hut and hole). OH PS I held a boa constrictor in Isalo. And these snails keep sneaking into my shower and pooping everywhere. NOT okay. There are way bigger than any escargot I ever ate in Paris.

Ooookay. We'll leave it at that. An eventful trip, yes? Oh hey wait did I tell you I put a swing in my house?? Oh yes. Come play!

Talk to you later :)

Letters and Love

FYI: If you mail something in a letter, and it does not feel like a letter, they will open the envelope and take it. This is not a joke. This means I did not get your present, Shin :( VERY upset. So if sending anything that's not actually a letter, use a padded envelope thing--then they won't steal it. Those little padded envelopes are perfect! Also, go ahead and lie on the price of things. Pretend it's used or something! Else I will have to pay about as much as YOU did, except I am a poor little girl who lives off of a dollar or two a day. Just thought I'd mention . . . .

PS THANK YOU to everyone for writing. Seriously I can't tell you how much it helps, etc--and I know I say that every time, but that's because it's still true (ha). Okay. Business done. Now for a real live update.